I question "the" in line four, and prefer "by" at that point.
"Shart" instead of "shawt"?
"Refress" instead of "reblast"? "Reblast" is too granular and objective.
"Pergoes" reminds of "pergola"; I offer "bergoos".
"Piffed" ... ?
"Thift" instead?
I think "Oh sprae my gra" is too delightful to discuss outside of a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Also, too many "k"s. "Lardoc."
And something less fatty-sounding. "Lard"?
Superabundance of "x"s.
Good luck with this.
|