Frank's idea is great, John. You could just substitute 'cloak' for 'coat' and keep 'his' in
that line, but I'd try to lose one of them in the 'glasses' line.
I'm tickled by the notion that 'bifocals' might be going too far...
in a poem about Death knocking on your door and talking to you?!
Don't forget, the Grim Reaper's 'an ancient shag' too, so his eyesight
must be failing a bit by now
My husband fell about laughing when I read this out to him. He regrets even more that he was away on business and didn't get to meet you when you stayed here! You've gotta come back again, John
PS I took so long to finish this post (dinner was ready) that you've already posted a revision I haven't looked at yet.