It's a competent occasional poem, but doesn't push to get sufficiently beyond that. Not enough magic in this one for me. I'd love to see a rewrite. Get rid of the forced "bruits/roots" rhyme, eliminate the repeat of "recall" in S2, introduce more vivid language. Polish, polish, polish. Rewrite, rewrite. rewrite. My usual kvetch.
Last edited by Michael Cantor; 12-11-2011 at 02:24 PM.
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