Not my cup of tea, personally -- it's a little too stream-of-consciousness and ephemeral for my liking -- but I'll give full credit to the poet for using some fabulous imagery and placing the reader firmly in the scene. The only technical nit I have is with L5. "Out of our" feels a little clumsy to me. Otherwise, I think this is very solid and I expect it will get a lot of votes when that time comes around...
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