I like this one a lot.
I do think it earns its claim of awe (yes, the “heart-deep shiver,” which is partly fear), as it combines the spectacle in the sky (as perceived by the youngster, so stunned that he tells us twice that the star moves), the father-son relationship, and the question of faith.
I have a few nits, but I’ll mention only one that I don’t think has been mentioned already: the very first line made me stumble a little, grammatically.
This needs a few tweaks, but for me, it’s mostly clear, well-crafted, and spellbinding.
Best,
Jean
|