I like the sestet, although I'd like to see "mildew mottled" and "scan" replaced for the reason Christopher cites. The sentence that begins on L3 is very difficult to understand. I'd prefer that the referent of "they"--whether people or leaves--be clear in the octet. The reader should conflate in the sestet, not be confused in the octet. This one is fittingly disturbing.
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