[Brian Allgar]

I knew Lucy would not print 'fuck a rat'.

Are you sure, Basil? Don't forget that competition she set on "They fuck you up, your mum and dad". And I definitely prefer the unbowdlerized version!

Oh, Jayne - well, if you twist my arm, just this once, but I promise not to do it again. Actually, I thought my entry was quite "tasty":

Rob loved revolting food, gorged like a pig,
Devoured huge quantities of “Curried Bat”,
“Grilled Escalope de Skunk”, “Tartare de Cat”,
And “Devilled Toad with purée de Ear-wig”,
His massive bulk supported by a jig.
When times were hard, he’d even fry his hat
As garnish to a “Fricassée de Rat”
Or “Ferret et sa sauce de Rotten Fig”.

One night, full-bellied, smoking he did lie;
The sheets caught fire, the blaze grew fierce and red.
Too stuffed to move, he gave an anguished sob:
“There’s so much still to eat before I die!”
In vain; the flames engulfed the wooden bed,
Reducing him to “Barbecue de Rob”.