[Janice D. Soderling]

Alas, I didn't know what Smarties were, Jayne luv, but now I know they are like M & Ms. But when sleuthing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smarties to discover how I could be as Smartie as you, I discovered something horrifying.

Probably your gnome was stolen by a gang of vegetarians who were indirectly trying to alert you to the below. (Of course it would be the females, wouldn't it? It's always the females who get crushed.)

Red Smarties were previously dyed with cochineal, a derivative of the Cochineal insect which is made by crushing female Cochineal insects. In the UK, they are now dyed using red cabbage. Despite this, they are still not suitable for vegetarians, as they contain whey that is produced using animal rennet.

If you haven't already done so, I'd advise you to take your gnome aside and delicately explore exactly what happened while it was away. It might have been brainwashed and is reporting your animal-eating habits back to HQ. If this is the case, you may be in danger.

John seems to have an inside track on this cult. It would not be amiss to confer with him.