[Douglas G. Brown]

from Macflush, Act 4, Scene 1, by William Shakespeare
A suburban bathroom. On center stage, an overflowing Toilet. Gurgling sounds.
Enter the three Witches. (Played by the Three Stooges)

1 WITCH (CURLY). Thrice this bowl hath overflow'd.
2 WITCH (LARRY). Thrice and once, the housewife’s whin'd.
3 WITCH (MOE). Husband cries:—'tis time! 'tis time!

ALL. Bubble, bubble, toilet trouble?
Call the Stooges, on the double!

1 WITCH. When the ballcock ceases falling,
Guys like us, you should be calling …
2 WITCH. Eye of newt and oil of skank
Cure the sluggish septic tank.
3 WITCH (pulling a splinter from the seat) Splinters sticking from the seat
Make for comments indiscreet.
1 WITCH. Round about the toilet go;
In the john, the Drano throw.—
2 WITCH. I’ll insert a plumber’s snake;
Maybe it will drain this lake …
3 WITCH (interrupting) Watch that splash, for heaven’s sake!
(gives 2 Witch an eye-poke, and clobbers 1 Witch with a plunger)