[Douglas G. Brown]

Trinacria published this a couple of years ago. It is way too long for the current comp., but maybe I will whittle it down somehow;

Father Arnold

(On May 9, 2011, Arnold Schwarzenegger separated from Maria Shriver, his wife of 25 years. A week later, it was revealed that he had fathered a son some 14 years earlier by his housekeeper Mildred Patricia 'Patty' Baena.
Here, he appears on a TV talk show; with a female interviewer, Maria, and Mrs. Baena. Arnold still doesn’t quite get it, but he does manage to squeeze in the last word.)

“You are old, Father Arnold,” the newswoman said,
“And your housekeeper’s son looks like you.
Oh why did you screw, when you could have got head?
Don’t you think that was risky to do?”

“When I was on steroids, my testicles shrank
To a very diminutive size.
I wrongly concluded my ammo was blank;
So I fired at targets, unwise.”

“You are old, Father Arnold, and you seem somewhat weak
For women besides your Maria.
Your love - child’s exposed, from a tabloid - style leak.
Don’t you think this will ruin your career?”

“My gubernatorial term has run out,
And I’m smeared with political shame.
But Hollywood beckons; where there’s not a doubt
I will soon be returning to fame.”

“You’re a jerk, Father Arnold!” Maria proclaimed,
“With a bastard son out of that cow.
And everyone else but yourself you have blamed.
Would you kindly explain yourself, now?”

“When I wed you, my dear, you were hearty and hale,
With the firm solid flesh of your youth.
Now, like an old witch, you are scrawny and pale,
And excessively long in the tooth.”

“You are scum, Father Arnold!” Mrs. Baena exclaimed.
“Why, you’re turning your back on me, too!
When Maria had dumped you, we’d marry, you claimed;
But now you are saying we’re through.”

“I gave you a job, and I bought you a house,
And financially fixed you for life.
I know that you think I’m a horrible louse,
But I’m on the prowl for a new wife.”

All three of these women, in unison, said
“Father Arnold, sooner or later
You’ll be riddled with bullets until you are dead,
With a woman as your Terminator.”

“Mere servants and women should stay in their place.
You were put on this Earth, it is true,
For the prurient needs of my Aryan race.
Now, it’s hasta la vista to you.”