David, I granted L2 is strong and that the final line suddenly delivers a metaphor at the last possible moment. But it seems to me that the metaphor comes too late, and is not really of a piece with the lines that come between L2 and the end. Just random details.
Also, I don't see what's so great about grey mists or grey dawns (and, by the way, what would a grey dawn that is not breaking look like? I suspect it would look like a dawn observed by a poet who didn't need to rhyme in that spot).
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