[Susan d.S.]

Pilgarlic’s Progress
(by their synonyms you shall know them)

Spartan, buff, ascetic, depilous,
In puris naturalibus,
Glabrous, smooth and lusterless,

With compensating growth of beard
Or Gymnosophical and sheared,
Peeled or shaven, lean and tonsured,

Sober, stark, uncomplicated,
Austere and unadulterated,
Undecked and underdecorated,

Frank, prosaic, neat, unfurbished,
Unembellished, plain, unvarnished,
Unpoetically ungarnished--

Euphemise, contrast, compare,
Aestheticize the bald and bare,
Yet nothing tops a head of hair—

Suppress testosterone with drugs,
Resort to wigs and plugs and rugs.
Truth is, bald men look like bugs.