This seems to me a golden opportunity to outflank Jayne by putting up one of my non-winning "Rhyming Dictionary" pieces. "Aardvark" is clearly entirely on-topic.
I used to have a pet, a Russian squirrel;
With alphabets in mind, I called him “Cyril”.
I next acquired a scaly iguana,
So regal that I named her “Gloriana”;
A lark (Alauda magna - see Linnaeus)
Whose song deserved the name of “Amadeus”.
But all were eaten by my neighbour’s Persian
To whom I’ve always had a fixed aversion.
Against this cat, I needed something tougher;
I got an aardvark, bigger, stronger, rougher,
But couldn’t find a name for him that suited,
And so I bought this book, dirt cheap, car-booted.
I riffled through, with many oaths and curses,
For though it’s true that when it comes to verses
It may eliminate a lot of hard work,
It doesn’t give a single rhyme for “Aardvark”.
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