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Unread 12-14-2012, 04:25 PM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Brian said:
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But one of them couldn't manage a proper rhyme scheme, so we get 'Autun/rein', 'came/ale' and - unbelievably - 'prophecies/dreamt'. Must be one of those modern poets.
I totally agree with Brian. But what killed it for me was:

I carried her to Bethlehem, you see,

I've judged numerous poetry competitions in my time, and every time I come across "you see" as a line-ending I reject it immediately. It's in the realm of the complete novice to use that as a rhyme for anything at all. (MUCH too easy and predictable; in other words, it's a "cop-out".)

So, in metrical poems, "you see" is to be avoided like the plague - (along with clichés like "avoided like the plague")

Jayne

PS. My observation about "you see", above - (for me, at any rate) - points to the fact that many judges of poetry aren't writers of poetry themselves, or they would eschew such bad rhymes.
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