(Here are a couple of attempts)
Dear Lynne,
Thank you for keeping me up-to-date on the doings of your family. It must be difficult for you, whom I remember as being rather a mousey little thing, to live among such over-achievers.
I'm delighted to hear that Darren managed to get an upper second at Kingston University. Our son Anthony, who was awarded a congratulated first at Oxford and is now a fellow of All Souls, might well be able to find him a part-time job in Library Administration.
And of course, it's wonderful news that Tracy is appearing in the chorus of a West End musical. She really should look up our eldest daughter Antonia, who is only just round the corner as Prima Ballerina at the English National Ballet.
We so much look forward to hearing from you each year. Your letters always give us a good chuckle.
Yours as ever,
Claire
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Thanks for your annual epistle.
How comforting it must be for you that your husband is finally home after a five-year contract in Saudia Arabia. It comes as something of a relief to us, too. In view of his background and character, we had assumed that he was “doing time” - silly us!
I’m sorry to hear about your dog. The last time you came to see us, seven years ago, he was already ailing, and we occasionally look nostalgically at the patch on the carpet where he had a violent attack of diarrhoea.
I'm sorry, too, to hear about your mother, although I recall my own mother, who is now a hale and hearty 94, wondering whether it was good for her to be living with you and your family in so stressful an environment, and whether - judging by the odour - chewing such large quantities of tobacco was altogether advisable.
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