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Unread 02-02-2013, 08:38 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Paris, France
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I like it, Peter! Actually, it's not true to say that the fourth line doesn't rhyme, but rather that it's the same rhyme every time - appropriately enough for a depiction of monomania.

My only quibble is with the metre of this line:

provoking most magnificent mirth

How about this?

provoking most stupendous mirth

("Benevolent" in the last stanza has a similar problem, but in a much milder form - the contraction "benev'lent" is quite common, and to my ear perfectly acceptable.)
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