Welcome aboard, Peter. Ingenious piece. I think Brian's point about the appropriateness of the identity rhymes is very good.
In any case, you provide a relevant justification in the last stanza.
I would guess that 'rewriting' means produce something that has some recognisable relationship to the original and you've kept the distinctive AAA CCC four foot lines.
You have one set of feminine rhymes, whereas my entry had three. I just don't know whether this departure from Betjeman's exclusively masculine rhyme scheme disqualifies or not, but I wouldn't have thought so, as the other Betjemanian markers are there.
For a fraction of a second I thought you'd added a new twist with 'Seoul' as an anagram of 'Slough'. Nearly - maybe one of the medieval spellings?
Good luck to us all.
Last edited by Jerome Betts; 02-03-2013 at 09:26 AM.
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