My cousin Gary is a skiver not a striver,
He’s a brawler and imbiber and he does not work.
He beds slappers quite at random, fathers kids he then abandons
Disabilities? He shams them with a shameless smirk.
My cousin Gary is a taker not a maker,
Beneficiary and breaker of the welfare state.
Keeps his mother in a tizzy and his social workers busy
While he lounges down the bookies with his feckless mates.
My cousin Gary is a liar not a trier
He’s a serial applier in the food bank queue.
Sure, he does a little dealing and a bit of petty stealing
Just to give himself the feeling that he works like you.
My cousin Gary is a loafer not a gofer,
Spending whole days on the sofa watching trash TV.
Though the papers all berate him, the authorities, placating,
Shower down benefits to sate him and he’s off scot free
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