Adrian, some very neat internal rhymes here (though I'm not too keen on skiver/imbiber or random/abandons), and we get a pretty clear picture of that sterling fellow, your cousin Gary.
Here are a couple of suggestions:
My cousin Gary is a skiver not a striver,
He’s a brawler and a swiver and he does not work.
He beds slappers quite at random, fathers kids but cannot stand 'em ...
Though the papers all berate him, the authorities placate him,
Showering benefits to sate him ...
(Best from Brian, thinker, drinker,
And an unregenerate tinker...)
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