[Douglas G. Brown]

THE PASSIONATE EFFIECIENCY EXPERT TO HIS LOVE

(By Frank Bunker Gilbreth, Sr. , American pioneer of Time and Motion Study, and father of 12 children, born from 1905-1922. His fifth child, Frank Bunker Gilbreth, Jr., and his third child, Ernestine Gilbreth Carey, co-authored the best-selling book Cheaper By the Dozen, a nonfiction account of growing up in the large Gilbreth family. This book was made into two successful movies.)

Eternal vows we both have voiced;
Your vaginal recess is moist,
And ever since our wedding date
I have declined to masturbate.

You’re lovely dear, so I’m aroused;
And legally, we are espoused.
I’d love to sing of passions, wild -
But we are here to make a child.

Take off your clothes and come to bed;
Tonight’s the night you must be bred.
Your ovulation table says
This is the optimum of days.

The manual which I just wrote,
On page eleven says, I quote:
“Stretch out, relax, serenely lie
As shown in figure Sixteen - I.”

I need no stimulant or drug
When I unreel my cord and plug
Your socket, dear. It's so sublime,
We’ll copulate in record time.

And then we’ll write a book or two
To show those fact’ries what to do
To manufacture cars or toys,
Like you’ve cranked out our girls and boys.

(Low rumbles, as Christopher Marlowe rolls over in his grave)