Jayne - thanks for your advice about how to submit via email.
Quote:
Martin, it might just be me but I can't quite make sense of this:
That bloated bloom glints off the glass and stains / that decorate the intersection.
The blooms glints off both the glass and the stains? Am I reading it wrongly?
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Yes, the bloated bloom (which is the sun) glints off both the glass and the stains.
But to make it clearer, I changed it to:
That bloated bloom glints off the glass-strewn stains
that decorate the intersection. Pains
I have fiddled some more with the whole poem, especially the last 2 lines. Any thoughts?