Jayne: thanks for the info. And I'm happy to be here!
Martin: this one's really good. Quite moving--and chilling!
"Would" sounds slightly awkward to me in line 7, since you've just used the contraction, "she'd" in the preceding line.
I also wonder about "all" in the first line, as slight filler.
But honestly, I'm being really picky. And that ending is a killer--so to speak!
Charlotte
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