[Brian Allgar]

(This seems to be the way to go: first write a limerick, then turn it into a piece.)

It was a pie to remember. The crust was baked to perfection; crisp, golden, and subtly impregnated with the juices within. The meat itself had been prepared in true halal fashion: the throats were cut and the blood drained into a basin, then the flesh was chopped up into bite-sized morsels from which every speck of fat had been removed.

The guests were delighted. Saturninus asked for a second helping, and then a third. Tamora declared it the most delicious meal she had eaten in a long time, and asked their host exactly what the ingredients were.

“Your children”, said Titus Andronicus.

Unfortunately, from that point onward, the evening degenerated, and the survivors were few. Among them was Lucius, who, on being proclaimed Emperor, addressed his people: “Friends, Romans, countrymen - meat pies are all very well, but do not forget your five portions of fruit and vegetables each day.”