[Douglas G. Brown]

The Gentleman From Massachusetts (a eulogy)

Partying heartily, Edward Moore Kennedy
Felt an incipient sexual urge;
Casting his eyes on the young Miss Kopechne,
Whispered, “The beach is a place we can merge.”

Teddy was driving an Eighty-Eight Oldsmobile;
Mary was riding along by his side.
Teddy, while groping to help himself cop a feel,
Drove off a bridge and poor Mary Jo died.

Earnestly claiming it was a mere accident,
He buried her body in Quaker state ground.
Senator Kennedy’s chance to be President
Died on the same night that Mary Jo drowned.

Drowning his sorrows with oceans of alcohol,
Edward Moore Kennedy deadened his pain.
Blessed with a liver that seemed indestructible,
He finally died of a cancerous brain.