[Douglas G. Brown]

“Headless Body Found in Topless Bar”,
“Coke Importer Lost From Capsized Boat”,
“Pedophile Gets Whacked in Stolen Car”;
Are headlines which I always like to quote.

“Legless Suspect Not at Risk of Flight”,
“Congressman in Prostitution Snare”,
“Home Invader Shot by Cops Last Night”;
Are headlines which I really want to share.

“Economic Outlook Looks Morose”,
“Unemployment Major Cause of Crime”,
“Heart Attack Was Caused by Overdose”;
Are headlines which I read most all the time.

“Cadillac Gets Power From the Sun”,
“Cancer Cure Distilled From Bovine Pee”,
“Vacant Office Space Plagues Washington”;
Are headlines which I’ll never live to see.

(The title is based on a famous New York Post headline, "Headless Body in Topless Bar". I made the rest of 'em up)