[Douglas G. Brown]

"someone with a McGonagall-esque degree of cluelessness..."

Chris,

This would explain the names of countless American beauty parlors and hair styling salons.

But, perhaps there is a chance for traditional Junior High School bad taste;

Boogersnot Sandwich

A “natural-living” neurotic
Deplored any foodstuffs sucrotic;
“I would rather eat boogers
Than ingest any sugars!”
(By the way, she was far from erotic.)