[Rob Stuart]

I’ve never considered it appropriate to judge restaurants in terms of international rankings, but put a Luger to my head and I’d have to say that Pretenzioso is, for my money, the best in the world. Many a food blog has dismissed head chef Al Dente as a talentless diva who is routinely abusive to customers and staff alike and incapable of making a round of toast let alone a five-course meal, but for clever people like me he is nothing less than the don of the New Cooking, brilliant, visionary and absolutely dedicated to the pursuit of perfection; the sparrow and Murray mint pizza was, famously, a full five years in gestation, and it remains uncertain what destiny ultimately awaits the gecko and dog-sneeze smoothie, eight years in development and counting. This is genius, pure and simple, and I assure you that you are not worthy.