[Douglas G. Brown]

OLD NUMBER 7 Positively Cures Gonorrhea, Gleet, and Mucous Discharges From the Urethra

( Label inscription on a bottle of a 1920’s quack gonorrhea cure )

Disciple of raw egg and oyster,
You made seduction your career.
With rich old broads, you’d romp and roister
Until you caught the gonorrhea.

Your life seemed happy, short, and sweet;
But now it’s dismal, tough, and long -
Since your affliction with the gleet
Made mucous dribble from your schlong.

In retrospect, a virgin blonde
You should have sought; so you could marry her.
What used to be your magic wand
Is now your wizened water carrier.

You’ve burned the bridge that leads to Heaven.
Though Hell awaits, remember this;
You’ll always have Old Number Seven
To quench the burning when you piss.