[Douglas G. Brown]

“Speak, O toothless one!” That incantation (uttered by a schoolmate as I loudly expelled flatus on my second day in Kindergarten) kindled my lifelong passion for the human anus.

Decades of study and toil paid off with my becoming a Board Certified Proctologist at age 32. Three years later, a series of malicious and unfounded morals charges led to the revocation of my medical license. This proved to be only a temporary setback; a blessing in disguise, actually.

Beginning in the steamy "back alleys" of Bangkok’s “wide open” sex market, I restarted my career as the world’s first Recreational Colonoscopist. Ten years later, with “Delbert Dingleberry’s Recreational Colonoscopy ” franchises in Las Vegas, Rome, Paris, and seventeen Middle Eastern cities, I control a multimillion dollar entertainment empire.

But, let’s open with an "in-depth" look at today’s Recreational Colonoscopy scene. A customer enters a Dingleberry’s center, and …