Dear PM,
As you well know, I've been attending rehab incognito for some time now. Further, you know about my relapse but not the nature of it. Regretfully, I must submit my resignation since I'm addicted to human haggis. I got caught lifting Lady Thatcher's sweetbreads and other vital organs at the morgue. I only hope you'll forgive me for this egregious action but I feel no temporal remorse since she handed me my own many times in the past. I fear I might re-offend once former PM Major's expires.
PS I really like it here. They let me work in the kitchen.
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