I don't mind the looseness of the meter, and the enjambments, though radical at times, contribute to the headlong feel of the poem. I am more bothered by the moments that made me stumble because they weren't clear to me. I took "to shift" as meaning "to fidget," but only after giving it considerable thought because I couldn't make sense of it at first. The ending also bugged me because I wasn't sure that a time jump had occurred, but that was the only way I could make sense of it. I think the whole sonnet up to that point is a daydream about childhood, but that the notepad and watch are in the present of the poet, which she is escaping from into the daydream.
For me, too many details of the memory sound unsurprising and therefore not particularly memorable, but the snake stands out as a moment that convinces by being unexpected. The longing for the freedoms of childhood, even the temporary reprieve from gender of being alone and out in nature, is something that I think most readers can identify with. I don't see any need to impose allegory on what doesn't need it. It comes across as being straight realism to me. If there is an agenda, I would say that it is in the subverting of stereotypes of what girls are like.
Susan
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