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Unread 07-18-2013, 10:01 AM
James Thomas James Thomas is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: usa
Posts: 120
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What a well-crafted poem, indeed. Beautufully managed meter, and i love the slight tinkering with the rhyme scheme to make the old new, but not too new. Terrific conversational, colloquial, warm, funny voice. Very pleasing irony in the resolution indeed. Touching.
I do have a major problem however with that very, to me, false sounding note in "cause." First, to read it aloud as spelled is just wrong, nobody contracts "because" to "cause," with the long ""aw" vowel that that spelling requires. It's cuz or something else equally unsatisfying. Second, thevwriter seems to have made this wrong (again, to my ear) choice to keep from going hendecasyllabic on us, but whats wrong with 11 once in a while? If you need the one syllable in tht position for rhythmic purposes, as well you might, then i think you need something else. Anyway, this could be cavilling.
Its a very enjoyable sonnet, my favorite by far so far in a fine batch of poems. Thanks to the judges and poets alike.
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