Fascinating. Carried through all the way. I like Childe ballads, and I like formal diction when appropriate, as in this poem. I will come back to this poem more than once.
L3 - the queen could have been murdered, not executed. Same for the heirs.
L4 - does not parallel the rest of L2-L8. "and nothing learned" is both weak and confusing.
So (L2-L4):
The ashes from the fire/flames/pyre/x that burned the witch,
Mold from the cellar where the queen was slain,
Dirt from the place the prince lay in a ditch,
& therefore:
L6 - Gravedigger's/Grave robber's drops...
L11 - "mortal bane" - the parallel with "mortal wound" is inexact and some readers may be confused that somehow the "bane" is mortal. So "deadly bane", despite being somewhat hackneyed, at least until something better can be found.
L12 - "gulped" seems to me not in accord with the diction of the rest of the poem and obtrusive. Try "sucked".
L14 - The couplet needs work. "marvel what man mars" seems rhyme forced & "gleams like stars" inaccurate anyway. So:
At last, the new-washed babe, her eyes agleam,
Her flesh so innocent and sweet, like cream.
This is lame, I guess. I offer it only to show that the sonnet is not locked-in to the existing couplet. There should be many possibilities. The "new-washed babe" and the innocent flesh are surely worth saving.
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