[Jennifer Gordon]

The volta only becomes more dramatic in the closing couplet which is too perfectly rendered thus since that is how the movies and novels forever must end. We never see but the finally wedded couple ride off into the sunset to supposedly live happily ever after although modern morality proves that an utter folly dreamed up simply to induce folk to tie the knot.

Too charming.

L3 does seem to use inverted phraseology with its "passion bittersweet" which I see Stephen reworked sweetly, yet if I was the sonneteer I'd prefer to keep it as is since there is something about the original rendering which is lost in his. As the critic standing outside it, which I likewise do with mine, I still wish the line read less awkwardly.

The difficulty with L4 is the repetition of sounds in "war or" which throws the reader off, but actually reads sufficiently well if you can swallow that.

I love the variety in imagery, mixing old and new to craft the usual story line with that subtle undertone which only the closing couplet reveals.

If I nit-pick further, I wish, yes feminine rhyming justified, still L10 would be nicer sans it.

Lovely bit of Spenserian sonneteering. Have I missed anything? I love this one too. Now how am I going to manage voting?

Thanks for sharing.

ttfn,
Jenny