[Rob Stuart]

I couldn't think of a poet less likely to want this than Tony Harrison. Well, once upon a time I might have said Carol Ann Duffy...


I doubt you’ve heard of me, Your Majesty,
And if you have you’re likely not a fan,
But now the post of Laureate is free,
I’m writing to suggest that I’m your man.

I know I don’t exactly seem ideal.
Who’d think that Tony Harrison from Leeds
Would be the sort of bloke who had a feel
For what a formal state occasion needs?

I’m better known for writing bolshie stuff
With lots of swearing in, but I would like
To move away from that. I’ve had enough
Of banging on about the Miners’ Strike.

Such pinko stylings now just make me wince.
(I can't believe I wrote that awful V)
I’d rather celebrate a brand new prince,
A royal wedding or a jubilee.