[Brian Allgar]

“You are old, Mr Dodgson”, Lord Salisbury exclaimed,
“And you’ve written some tosh about Alice;
What on earth makes you think that you ought to be named
As the Poet to Buckingham Palace?”

“In my youth”, I replied, “I was happily lost in
The works of the Laureate Wordsworth.
But now there is talk of appointing old Austin,
Whose poems have scarcely a turd’s worth.

I therefore conceived it would be quite a lark
To emerge from my clerical cloisters.
I've written an epic concerning the Snark,
And a heart-rending story of Oysters.

My poetical talents are not to be doubted:
The Jabberwock - what could be gorier?
As Laureate, let poor old Austin be routed -
Choose me for our dear Queen Victoria!”