Not Larkin. Kipling. I wonder if it fits the bill.
Virgin Pride – The Strength Of Ten
If you can keep your cool and not feel peaky,
Though other girls have gone arse over tip,
And staggered from the clubs all hot and squeaky
Like rats abandoning a sinking ship,
If you can keep your money in your handbag
When friends have blown the lot on frocks and shoes,
If you can lose the profile of a sandbag
By cutting down on takeaways and booze,
If you can stop behaving like a hothead,
If you can find a man who’s not a bum,
Who’s not a criminal and not a pothead,
Who really wants to meet your dad and mum,
If you can find your knight in shining armour,
Yet stay as artless as a buttercup,
Then you can be one pure and perfect charmer,
And, what is more, you’ll keep your knickers up.
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