The first half is stronger than the second, I think.
“worn shores” makes a good sound, but distorts the sense a bit.
This is pretty awkward:
“For all his virtue,
Show mercy, jealous men; don’t be too bold
With ash of one...”
and it's actually less rich (and more literal) than the literal version.
“For all his virtue” misleadingly suggests “in spite of his virtue.”
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