L1: does prowler = burglar? Since the murderer is assumed to also operate at night, and since said Manwood presided at Marlowe’s murder trial, perhaps prowler is a better choice? I like our DG007’s offering for the vulture-rough thieves section. Is that verb really ‘lies’ or could it be ‘rests’ – a person may lie, but do ashes? ‘hair draped’ rings oddly: Susan’s got a good suggestion there. Should that be ‘great’ or ‘much’ virtue? ‘Fled’ or just ‘went’? ‘Worn’ or ‘empty’? Agree with Adam re For all his virtue – what about something like to uprightness]. ‘glances’ comes through the crib as ‘countenance’ – not quite the same thing. Closing line: perhaps rest;/ may fame outlast your marble…..
Looking at the crib [and having stuffed the original into a couple of online translators] there’s SO much crammed into the Latin that translating out would never have been an easy task, which makes phrases like pride of precedent and nightmare and somber scourge of rakes so appreciated.
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