Judge's comments
French Operative Nine, salut.
Refreshing to see such a clever, vaudeville offering. I like the “ch” repetitions in line 2. Combined with the slang usages of “soft-soap” and “chat-up,” the tone is even funnier. “Machination” is precarious; I would suggest something else. Maybe, “without reservation”? That end rhyme is one of the easiest in the English language – another reason this succeeds as light verse, the easy rhymes – so there are lots of options. The comic tone sputters with “To appreciate…” I would suggest something like, “And mostly, to know how much freedom you’ve got.” It comes closer to Bellay’s text, but maintains the translator’s tone. The close here does not quite equal that penetrating dryness of the original, with its incomparable "Voila," and Bellay's elimination of the verb, to drive that last line home. This tone is substantially more slapstick, thus, mine a moot point; however, I might suggest, as the literal meaning of "voila" is "see there," not "and that:"
There you are, dear Morel, (though it gives me no pleasure):
All that Rome taught me in my three year stay.
Rarely can a translator successfully go so over the top, – but I think this does so with style.
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