[Rob Stuart]

You want to write a poem? Nothing to it.
Forget that wretched book by Stephen Fry.
In thirty seconds flat I’ll take you through it.
It really is as effortless as pie.

It’s only words, you know, not rocket science.
A funny bit of formatting likexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxthis
Looks dead sophisticated. A reliance
On vocab like ‘azure’ won’t go amiss.

Don’t worry if you don’t possess a leaning
For intellectual thoughts. If you’re averse
To writing stuff that has some kind of meaning,
Redesignate your efforts as ‘light verse’.

A poem with a rhyme-scheme may sound sweeter,
But that is not compulsory these days,
And nor are you obliged to have a metre
Or to apply either technique with any degree of consistency.


[I'm indebted to the 'Don't' section on George Simmers' snakeskin.com for some of these pointers!]