[Graham King]

Much cleverness and skill evinced, above.
I feel like going off at a less-literal tangent...


Revision#2
Returned from lonely wanderings,
I need to rest: to ease my state
And let due comfort balm my limbs,
As daffodils I contemplate…
Ah, couch where I so oft recline!
One Dorothy and I now own -
An ancient heirloom of our line
That with the years threadbare has grown -
Whose steel has mettle still to bend
Yet supple stay, supporting well,
With horsehair cushioning one’s end,
Thus softly sounding most aches’ knell!
Thus over-confident - accursed! -
Unwarily I settle. But -
Rude fact! - unseen, one spring has burst
Its bonds... and sharply meets my scut.


Revision#1

Returned from wandering, I claim
A need for rest, to ease my state
And let due comfort balm my frame
As daffodils I contemplate…
'Ah, couch where I so oft recline!'
(Which Dorothy and I now own:
An ancient heirloom of our line,
That has with the years threadbare grown;
Whose steel has mettle still to bend
Yet supple stay, supporting well;
With horsehair cushioning one’s end -
A softness that sounds most aches’ knell!)
Thus over-confident - accursed! -
Unwarily I settle. But -
Rude fact! - beneath, one spring has burst
Its bonds... and sharply meets my scut.


Original
Returned from wandering, I find
Need for some pose to ease my state
And let due comfort balm my mind,
As daffodils I contemplate…
So for the couch I swift repine
That Dorothy and I now own:
An ancient heirloom of our line,
That with the years threadbare has grown;
Whose steel has mettle still to bend
Yet supple stay, supporting well,
With horsehair cushioning one’s end -
A softness that sounds most aches’ knell.
Thus over-confident - accurst! -
Unwarily I drop down. Jut!
Rude fact! - Inside, one spring has burst
Its bounds, and sharply greets my scut.

In L14 instead of 'Jut!' I could have 'But -', or I could keep 'Jut!' and replace L16 'scut' with 'butt' (the word I first thought of).
I opted for the rabbit's tail as more tactfully metaphorical, and maybe apt to Wordsworth's pastoral mindscape;
'butt' seemed too modern and crude. Or would jarring mismatch be a plus here?
Also,
I wondered whether L13 'accurst' was too archly archaic. I do want to avoid 'accursed' being read as 'accursèd'.

Opinions, anyone? Please!