Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Allgar
..Of course, stanzas 4 and 5 will have to be cut, and I may have to try and get a bit more love into the thing
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Brian, why not instead cut S2 and 6?
S2 is a list, whereas other verses hold the witty wordplay (which impresses me).
Dropping 6 leaves the ending upbeat, with Carrot's love having accomplished its goal;
maybe the last line would be rejigged to emphasize that?
A tweak of 'was full' to 'grew full' (in S3-becoming-S2 L1) may be needed too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Allgar
Asparagus and Broccoli detested one another,
Which made young Carrot rather sad; he loved them like a brother.
Hoping to reconcile the pair, he organized a party,
Inviting vegetable friends, and leafy litterati.
The house grew full to bursting point, no room for any more;
Though guests continued to arrive, they couldn’t pass the door.
The U- to Y-’s were turned away, resentful and upset,
But sly Zucchini crashed the gate by posing as Courgette.
The younger sprouts were full of beans, and though the crowd was dense,
They blithely started playing squash, which gingered up events.
The music was provided by a band called “Sugar Beat”
Till someone let a rocket off, which knocked them off their feet.
“These kids have so much energy!” said Salsify to Spinach.
The revelry was clearly heard from Golders Green to Greenwich.
What rooty-tooty goings-on! What salad days! What capers!
The guests could hardly wait to read tomorrow’s morning papers.
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