Television: Entertainment instantly available in one's living room after approximately thirty minutes spent locating the remote.
Holiday: A period of time during which one ceases doing nothing at one's desk in order to resume the same activity in a remote location.
Love: An emotion that binds us to those we find most annoying.
Christmas: The celebration of a day more than two thousand years in our past when the world had three more wise men than it does today.
Pension: The modern equivalent of an Alaskan ice floe.
Television: An electronic device emitting flashing lights and sounds that facilitate the loss of consciousness upon one's couch.
Meeting: A group of people engaged in surreptitious texting while pretending to listen to someone with nothing important to say.
Europe: A place where everyone speaks a funny language but no one is funny.
MP: Someone who has attained such importance in life that his sexual peccadilloes are deemed by the tabloids to be newsworthy.
Love: To place someone on a pedestal in order to look up her dress.
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