This one seems pretty good to me, my new favorite. But my socks are still definitely on, since I haven't yet seen the combination of feeling and music that makes me love sonnets.
A couple thoughts about this one:
Line 4 seems weak to me in that it conveys two unreconstructed cliches, those about bats and beans.
The catheter line is metrically tricksy, and I'm not sure I see what's gained by it.
I get that the poem voltas its way from third person to second person, but would direct address throughout be more logical? If so, it would be easy to do: "You children..." etc.
Strong finish! I'm a cat person...
Last edited by Simon Hunt; 05-11-2014 at 12:44 PM.
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