It's portentous, and choked with adjectives:
globe streetlight
thousandth street,
dim retreat
brownstone storefront
pale night shadows
loud knock
wooden door,
unrelenting lock,
unread papers
final notice
thousandth night
globe streetlight.
Twelve in fourteen lines!
Additionally, I'll bet $20.00 that this was originally written as a twelve-liner, and the last two lines were added to make it a sonnet and enter it in the contest. It's far better without them - and you eliminate two modifier/noun pairs.
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