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Unread 05-13-2014, 10:29 AM
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Spindleshanks Spindleshanks is offline
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Admirable stuff. Likely my number one, though I have a couple of issues with it.

As a metaphor for the twinship, the iamb doesn't hold up, as some have noted. A trochee would be more apt. If limited to N's summation of herself (L11) it works, but where the octave seems to apply it to the 'weaker beat,' the echo trailing the stronger, it simply doesn't fit. I think it's a stretch to see reference to the Deity in it—it just adds to the confusion, suggesting N sees herself as God, given that the title is self-descriptive. (Unless the title is intended as descriptive of Ann. Then L11 becomes questionable.)

L9 is awkward syntax, switching to the parenthetic "the one named Ann." I would favour "my sister Ann" as an address that could be seen as affectionately sardonic.

I think the choice of title bears rethinking to untangle the confusion. It's an unnecessary distraction.

That said, the sonnet reveals a master's touch and I'm suitably impressed.
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