Mary, I take your point about the unpredictability of the first line. Though I was tempted to use Maryann's "honeybee," English dactyls have a tendency to get monotonous if they are too regular. I was trying to be subtle in the rhythms of the first line, using the way I would normally say the line to suggest a rhythm that later becomes clearer. Where possible, I have clipped the unstressed syllables at the end of a line or moved one to the next line.
You have a point, too, about the awkwardness of "Eros's." I hate the repetition of too many s sounds in a row, so "Eros's sting" was right out.
Susan
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