Maybe, Seree. For me, anyway, "teems" has a somewhat negative connotation. For the fisherfolk, I would choose to say the lake "abounds" with fish. But, in any case,"teems" is a poetic interpretation, and, as I said, I think the translation should stay closer to the original, both in sound and meaning.
I totally agree with Rose. To me, there is nothing in this poem resembling "juvenilia" - it has depth, passion, originality; the apparent simplicity of the language expresses the complexity and depth of a passionate, intelligent woman, who is far from adolescent. It certainly speaks to me. But maybe I'm just in touch with my inner adolescent.
(This poem reminded me of the remarkable poem by Maz (Grasshopper) – anyone remember it? – where the narrator describes herself as a performing monkey on the outside, and an anguished hound underneath.)