Now, in the light of day, I see I was a bit of a grump last night, for which I apologize.
I'm still not crazy about the poem. But, paying closer attention to the original, I see there is something in the sound, in the open vowel sounds and feminine endings that gives it a feeling of motion, of turning, that is inextricably connected to the meaning of the poem. It's hard to capture the openness and flow of Spanish into English, I know, but I feel that whatever is sonically happening in the original, is completely lost in the translation.
For example, the translation begins "round and round" which does not capture the smooth movement of “gira y gira,” which has more of that open sound I was talking about. Why not "turning and turning" which is more true to the sense, and captures more that feeling of motion. (And does not convey that unfortunate association of "round and round the mulberry bush,” which I heard in my head as soon as I started reading the poem!)
Perhaps it's virtually impossible to capture the music of lines like:
entre agua y espuma
(Suds? No!)
or
con estampas de mariposas
It almost doesn't make sense to give examples, as the success of the whole poem depends on its music, which, in my opinion, is completely lost in the translation.
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